Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Make-up Mockery *to be assessed*

As a young girl, I loved putting on make-up. I would have my friends come over and do all of their make-up and then do my own. I thought we looked so cool and I loved getting make-up from my mom and aunts. Looking at pictures now, I wonder what I was thinking. We all looked like clowns and I definitely did not have a future as a cosmetician. As I grew older and into my early teens, make-up became a distant memory and I haven’t looked back since.

I don’t wear make-up because I don’t think it suits me. I grew up a tomboy and the thought of wearing make-up didn’t interest me. It would take too much time to apply and probably come off when I was playing sports. I had acne so I did go through a phase of wearing a cover up on my pimples but never more than that. My friends would talk about the kind of make-up they bought or what brand they liked better. I just sat there completely ignorant to the whole topic.

Friends have asked to put make-up on me for nights out on the town. I’ll agree, especially if they ask me after I’ve had a few drinks. Within the first half an hour, I would have already wiped my eyes by mistake, rubbing their efforts down my face leaving a streak of blue and black. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t understand how they thought it looked good, but I didn’t want to insult them so I’d keep my mouth shut and my make-up on. The next morning I look at the hideous image in the mirror. It’s me, only with black all over my eyes, eye shadow on my forehead and make-up covering my pillow. I mutter those same words as I do every time I let my friends put make up on me, “Never again.”

Not only do I not like wearing make-up, I also don’t like going into cosmetic sections of stores, or make-up stores like M·A·C Cosmetics. These places make me feel so uncomfortable and take me out of my comfort zone. I don’t belong in those places and it’s obvious when I walk in and everyone looks like a Barbie doll. There are so many colours and make-up for places I didn’t know needed make-up. M·A·C is not a big store, but it feels even smaller when I go in there.

I went in with some friends one afternoon so one of the girls could get some foundation. As I walked around the store, it felt like the staff were looking at me, knowing that I didn’t belong. I could almost hear them tisk at the fact that I would even bother going in there. I try to keep my head down and walk around, looking at the ridiculous amount of make-up in the store. Then I look up and see the scariest part of the whole store: the mirrors.

Why must they light the mirrors in a way that make you look so horrible? I looked up to find my pasty white face staring back at me, crying for help. I had a deathly look, with dark bags under my eyes and very little colour in my face. Did I really look this bad on a daily basis? Am I just having a bad day? I was hoping that it just wasn’t my day but soon came to realize that the lighting was the culprit.

I walked around to check out the other people staring into these ‘reflection of death’ mirrors. Everyone looked as sick as I did. The lighting was making people looked washed-out and like they had not slept in days. I quickly took my eyes off the mirrors and decided I would much rather stare at all the crazy colours of cosmetics around the store. I was afraid to turn around, assuming I would surely knock something over, bringing even more attention to myself. I was out of my element in the store and I didn’t want to bring any more attention to myself than I thought I already had by being there.

I couldn’t wait to be finished in there and was so happy to see my friend head for the checkout counter. I kept my head down, making sure I didn’t catch another glimpse of my corpse looking face in the mirror. As we turned to leave, I made sure I was the first one out the door. I’m sure the staff got together after I left and thought, “What a disaster that girl was, she really needs make-up if she wants to get rid of that ghost look she’s sporting.” I’m well aware they probably didn’t even notice me, but being so displaced, I started thinking crazy thoughts.

There may come a day where I have an epiphany and think that I really need make-up to fulfill my life, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon, just like I don’t see a trip to the M·A·C Cosmetics store in my near future. If I ever start a career as a Vegas showgirl though, I’ll be sure to give M·A·C a call to do my make-up.

A weekend in Manuels

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time at my Aunt Jean and Uncle Vic’s house. I had three cousins there and one, Robbie, was my age, so we spent a lot of time together. We were in band together, had the same friends and did everything together.

I spent weekends at their house, so I would get picked up Friday after school by my Uncle Vic. I knew he was in the driveway when I could hear the murmur of CBC Radio blaring from his car. Once I opened the passenger side door, it would be an overwhelming sound of the radio and the strong smell of my uncle’s cologne. It was a musky, spicy smell that at first was strong enough to make me sneeze, but I would eventually get used to it. Then we would leave for the half hour drive to his house.

It was inevitable that I would fall asleep on the way. We wouldn’t be more than ten minutes into the drive before my head would be bobbing and I’d start having a nap drool, which is worse than the regular night drool. With my forehead pressed against the window and the seatbelt cutting into my neck, every bump in the road would disturb me, but not enough to wake me up. With my eyes closed, I could feel the bumpiness when we drove over rocks and the smoothness when we would get to a stretch of new pavement. It was a good nap, but not a peaceful one.

We would finally arrive at the house and my Aunt Jean would have supper ready to go. As we walked into the house, I would take a deep breath to smell what was for supper. On the days I smelled pizza, I was a happy girl. There were too many instances when my Aunt would decide stew was a good choice. I hated stew and she knew it, but thought if she made it enough, I would start to like it. That never happened.

As soon as you enter the house, you feel like you’re in a zoo. There are two budgies chirping, a dog barking, a fish tank gurgling, and a cat that just slinks around your ankle. After a few minutes the animals would calm down and my uncle and I could get ourselves out of the porch and into the kitchen.

I love sleeping in, but at Aunt Jean and Uncle Vic’s house, there’s no sleeping in. My Aunt would wake me up about 7:00 Saturday morning and drag me to the super market with her to “get the good meats,” she would always say. I didn’t mind because it meant I got a Long Treat and hot chocolate at Tim Hortons. Saturday’s also meant there were chores to be done. As I would be eating my breakfast, I would hear my uncle outside with the chainsaw cutting wood. I knew that was mine and Robbie’s cue.

Before too long we would hear our names bellowing from the basement to get our outside clothes on and start helping. Our outside clothes were usually old clothes my aunt and uncle used to wear. It usually smelled musty and old, and was rough to the touch because of all the times it was worn lugging wood. As we got dressed, we could feel little pieces of sawdust hit our faces and get stuck into the bottom of our socks. The sawdust pricked our feet like needles but with my aunt and uncle, there was no slowing down.

Robbie and I would make our way to the shed, pushing our trusty wheelbarrow as the vibrations went up our arms. My uncle would hand us some work gloves which always had little pieces of wood in them that would hurt our hands. The smell of fresh cut wood was comforting though and we couldn’t wait to get it inside to get a fire started in the woodstove. The smell of the wood burning and the sight of smoke rolling out of the chimney would make me want to go inside and curl up under a blanket. Of course that wasn’t an option because there were still too many chores to be done.

Once we brought in our share of the wood, it would be time for lunch. The smell of hot dogs filled the air every Saturday. I would put so much ketchup on mine that I could feel the bun getting soggy under my fingers as I ate. I would top off my lunch with a cold glass of milk that felt good going down my throat after a long morning working outside. After lunch we were set free and it was time to play.

Robbie and I would spend a lot of time playing cards, board games and Nintendo. We would have to pick our location wisely because the cat and dog always wanted in on the game, and thought walking over the board was a good idea. We could hear the dog coming, running down the hall towards us. He would jump all over us, his soft fur getting all over our faces, and unfortunately in our mouths. His rough paws would dig into our legs and his whipping tail would sting our arms. But eventually the dog would get bored and go way. He would always leave the smell of dog in the room which hung in the air and never seemed to go away.

In the night, we would usually do something as a family and my cousins would invite friends over to join in the games. The house was filled with laughter and the smell of popcorn as everyone enjoyed the night together. Once we went to bed, my uncle would sing Puff the Magic Dragon to us as we drifted off. We all slept well after a busy day.

Until I finished high school, I continued to spend the weekends at my aunt and uncle’s house. The chores changed and my aunt stopped trying to feed me stew, but the fun was always there. Whenever I hear CBC radio, I still think of those Friday evenings in my uncle’s car, driving to his house for another great weekend.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Could it happen to you?? *To be assessed*

We have all heard the stories of a girl someone knew who had a baby but didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant, or had a baby and didn’t even know she was pregnant. I didn’t think this could happen because I assumed all the signs would be obvious. I found out this past Christmas, that nine months of pregnancy could come and go and you wouldn’t have a clue.

Most people think, “Wouldn’t you be sick?”, or “Wouldn’t you gain a lot of weight?” All these things could happen, but it’s recognizing them as signs of pregnancy that makes the difference. Some people gain and lose weight regularly and some pregnant women don’t get sick.

On December 28th, 2006, Steph got up to go to her job at the mall. Being the Christmas season, she was working long hours and this shift was no different. She got to work in the morning for her 12 hour shift and wasn’t feeling herself. Steph brushed off the sick feeling because she knew she couldn’t miss work, she needed the money. Throughout the day, Steph would get intense pains in her stomach. She would buckle over but because the pain didn’t last very long, she would wait it out and go on with her duties.

She managed to get through the day but was feeling miserable by the time she finished her shift that night. She headed home where she lived in the basement of her mom and step dad’s house. Her boyfriend of a couple of years, Dave, was there waiting for her to spend some quality time together. Her parents headed off to bed and Steph and Dave relaxed while her sick feeling worsened.

At about 1:00 in the morning, Steph’s boyfriend decided to head home. He lived on the other side of town and had about a 20 minute drive. As Dave was left, Steph’s legs were starting to feel cramped and she was the sickest she had been all day. She decided to crawl into bed and get some much needed rest. Little did she know at the time, but the next hour was going to change her life forever.

Shortly after Dave left, the stomach cramps became unbearable and the moment that opened Steph’s eyes as to what was going on happened. Her water broke. It was at this moment that the last nine months of Steph’s life flashed before her eyes. She saw all the signs that should have made her realize what was coming, yet she brushed them off every time. She felt like an idiot for not realizing sooner what was happening, but it was too late now to worry about it.

In a panic, Steph got on her cell phone and called Dave. She knew she couldn’t tell him what was happening but had to get him to come back. As Dave was pulling into his driveway he got the phone call from Steph. She wanted to tell him what was happening but knew the news was too shocking to say over the phone. She told him she wasn’t feeling very well and he had to come back to her house to take her to the hospital. Being a great boyfriend, Dave did so with no questions asked. However, he was worried and wondered why she would call him and not get her parents to take her. He called the house phone and got her mother to go downstairs to check on her. He knew something just wasn’t right.

As soon as Steph’s mom received the call, she headed downstairs to see what was wrong with her daughter. She got down to the basement and opened Steph’s bedroom door and was shocked. There was her 23 year old daughter, sitting on her bed with a baby in her arms. Steph had given birth to the baby all by herself. They called an ambulance right away. Dave arrived around the same time as the ambulance. The paramedics delivered the placenta and cut the umbilical cord. Steph and Dave were the proud, yet shocked, parents of a baby girl.

The next day was a shopping spree like no other. Steph’s mom headed out to buy all the supplies a new mom might need. As Steph lay in the hospital, all she could think of was how she didn’t know, and how was she going to go back to school in a week. She was now a mom and had no time to prepare in her mind how she was going to do it. Luckily she had a supportive family and boyfriend who were going to help her every step of the way.

Steph came home with a healthy baby and tried to adjust to her new role as a mom. She hadn’t had time to wrap her mind around the whole concept, but they say there are maternal instincts that come naturally when you have a baby. As Steph and her mom sat watching a movie one night, the baby slept in Steph’s bedroom in her basinet. Steph asked her mom if it was weird to be worried about the baby since she couldn’t see her. Her mom told her that those feelings are the maternal instincts women get and there are lots more of those to come.

I attended a bridal shower with Steph a week before she gave birth and I never would have guessed she was pregnant. She had just gone back to university and was finally getting good marks and looking forward to finishing her degree. If you had asked her at the bridal shower if she would be able to raise a baby right now, she would have said definitely not. She didn’t have her life together, how could she take care of another life. Yet, when that baby was on its way into the world, Steph was able to take care of it during delivery and has been a great mom since.

There are things we think are impossible and we would never be capable of. But when we are put in a position with no other choice, our instincts kick into gear and surprise us. Steph’s maternal instincts kicked in that day and have helped her handle her new responsibility as a mother.

Picture it: Ireland, 1999

A tour of western Ireland is one that is hard to forget. It’s said that your senses are tied to memory and this is proven to be true after a tour such as this. As you look across the horizon, the land is flat and a plethora of shades of green. Each square of farm land has a different colour grass, usually complimented by a stone house, or what is left of a house. The stone of the house is rough and jagged, worn over time. The houses that are still standing have roofs covered with grass, which has become dry and brittle.






















As you travel further towards the coast, the land becomes full of trees and hills. You can see a large building hidden between the trees, with its windows reflecting the shining sun. As you approach the building you notice it is a large church, now a tourist attraction, with soft vines running up the stone walls. While walking on the rock covered trail, you can feel the pebbles roll under your feet. The sound of water soon enters your ears and you notice a blinding light coming from the right.
















As you walk closer you can see that it is the sun reflecting off the calm water of a pond. A smooth, flat rock sits beside the pond. The water sounds and looks so peaceful that it is impossible not to stop and enjoy the calmness. When you sit on the rock, the warmth from the sun shining on the rock all day goes through your body. The smell in the air is one of pureness and an environment protected from the harsh pollutants of the city. There are birds all around, singing their songs, which makes it hard to continue on with the tour. The thought of leaving this place and going back to the daily grind is unthinkable when you are this comfortable. But the tour must go on.















As you continue on and enter the old church, you can smell the mustiness of the building. It is the smell of old books and aging wood. The church was so big that the sound moved around very easily and hung in the air. If you listened carefully, it was like you could hear an organ playing and people praying. There are old cloaks and memorabilia of priests who had lived there before. The cloaks are soft and detailed, but slightly discoloured, which only adds to their authenticity. Everything looks so fragile that you feel like you can’t get too close or something might break. There is an intensity in the air that when you leave the building, you can almost feel it lift off of your shoulders. You hate to leave such a peaceful place but the final stop of the tour is still to come.

As the bus pulls into the parking lot, you can smell the ocean in the air. The salt hits your nose and lips. For the rest of the day you can taste the salt water on your lips and it provides a sort of comfort. From the parking lot, all you can see is a small castle-shaped building. When you head up the path towards this building you can start to see the deep blue of the ocean. The waves are crashing causing whitecaps to form.















The sound is incredible and so loud for something that seems so far away. The wind off the water hits your face and you can feel its crispness. Your cheeks and nose turn a shade of red, but it feels so refreshing. At the top of the path, there’s water as far as the eye can see. If you stand towards the edge of the cliff, you can look down and see just how far up these cliffs go. It is nothing but jagged rock all the way down to the ocean. With each layer a different colour and texture of rock is exposed, which helps you see the age and imagine the lands history.
















As the bus pulls away, you can see the land change from cliffs and hills, to the flat farm lands now deserted and grown over. As the bus tour comes to an end and you drive back into the city, the sound of traffic and people rushing around wakes you up from the peace you experienced all day. You lick your lips again to taste that salt air that brings you back to such an amazing place and time. You know once you step off that bus, all your lips will taste like is dust from the sidewalks from all the hustle and bustle of the city.