Downloading: The death of music *feature to be assessed*

How far would you go for the love of your job if you were a musician? Would you leave your friends and family for a week to travel across the province? Would you leave for a few months to travel across the country? How about doing what Karla Pilgrim is doing and traveling to Afghanistan to perform for the troops? Not many people would that far. Karla is an example of the passion a true musician has for their craft and career.

Karla has been performing since she was a young girl. She started in the church in her hometown of Roddickton, Newfoundland. She was known as the girl who could play any instrument but her best played instrument was her voice. People would come to the church to hear her breathtaking voice fill the church with a power very few people have. This lead to her filling theatres around Newfoundland in shows such as Abba and her own one woman country and gospel show.

She did shows like Canadian Idol where she made it all the way to Toronto, and Nashville Star which was a dream come true for this country music lover. “To see the Grand Ole Opry, where my idols like Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline performed, was an experience I will keep with me forever. I stood outside the building and just cried. It was a dream come true and made my dreams of performing for a living that much more real.” Karla plays regular gigs in St. John’s, where she’s been living for the past 2 years. She is a waitress when she’s not playing but still finds it hard to pay the bills.

Karla has had the goal of recording an album for the past five years, but has yet to record a full CD. With the help of a FACTOR Grant, a government funded project for musicians, she was able to record three songs. Unfortunately, it takes more than three songs to produce a product worthy of store shelves. She’s had offers from several successful musicians in the St. John’s area to help on her recordings but without the money to produce a CD, their help is useless. Without a CD to circulate it would be hard for people to get to know and love Karla’s infectious voice. She would need a hefty loan to cover the costs of recording, producing and distributing a CD. If people aren’t buying music anymore, there would be no way to pay back that loan which leaves Karla in a tough position. She will always perform, but her dream of doing it as a career may not be an option. The way the music industry in headed, Karla may never get to tour the world doing what she loves.

Downloading music for free is fast becoming the prime way to acquire music. Just because it is accessible doesn’t make it right. Each year, millions of dollars are put into creating and recording music. It could be an artist who is well known or someone local, like Karla Pilgrim, trying to start their career. The process of recording songs, producing a CD and then distributing that CD to the public is an expensive venture. Most people don’t even make a profit from their CD sales until they make it “big”. It’s the radio play and live performances that allow a lot of these artists to play music as a career. Unfortunately, most don’t get these opportunities.

Is it a coincidence that most people who you see on the street as a busker trying to get money thrown in their hat play instruments or have some talent? Not really. These are the people who love what they do and are trying to get enough money to get that song recorded for people to hear. I’ve had friends play in downtown St. John’s and downtown Halifax, not just trying to make a few bucks, but because they truly love music and have a passion for performing. Karla has sat on George Street in St. John’s playing her guitar and belting out her favorite songs. It’s not to fill up her guitar case with change, but because she wants to share her music with anyone and everyone. When you hear her voice, you feel her passion, and when she hits that high note in “Bobby Magee”, the hair on your arms stands straight up. I have felt this incomparable feeling and Karla’s performance is one everyone should experience, but unfortunately might not be able to with the slow death of buying CDs.

The money in the music industry is made by song writers, the record company big wigs, and those artists that are at a level where they can put off a concert in a park or stadium that draws thousands of people. Even artists who may be big on the east coast of Canada don’t make enough money to kick back and go on spending sprees. Most still haven’t paid off the cost of making their first CD. Some will never get to a level where they can do more than record a CD every couple of years and play shows in bars on the weekends. They can probably do it for as long as they want, but only as a second job.

Downloading music may seem like an easy way to hear an artist but it’s technically stealing. There are websites where you can buy music downloads, which have given musicians a glimmer of hope to be able to afford this passion. It may not seem like a big deal to download a couple of songs, but when you think about the artists, sound engineers, producers, graphic artists, and distributors that are all trying to make money off a 15 dollar CD after the record company gets their cut, there isn’t much profit to go around. This is why downloading has to stop or we will actually experience the day the music dies.

According to Ipsos-Reid, in 2004, 32 per cent of Canadian adults with an Internet connection have downloaded at least one music file, even though it’s illegal under copyright laws. I have completed a two-year Recording Arts program where I not only performed and produced music, but I also learned about the music industry and how downloading and copying music is bad for business.
It is a common misconception that music artists make millions once they get a hit song or video. The issue of money is complicated, but I’ll try to give you a basic idea of just how much an artist makes.

The process starts by having talent and getting a deal. Pretend that you are a talented new artist. A record company will usually lend the artist or band about $300,000 to start production. This $300,000 has to be paid back in full from the earnings from CD sales. From $300,000, $200,000 goes into making and recording the CD which leaves $100,000.

You may be thinking, $100,000, not bad to live on, but wait. You haven’t paid anybody yet.

Bobby Borgs article “Record Advanced and Royalties” breaks it down fairly simple. From $100,000 the record company lent you as an advance, you have to give percentages to an attorney, who negotiated the record deal for you, business and personal managers, and the government; because we should all pay our taxes. Once you pay these people, you are left with $42,000. This $42,000 has to be split with the band. If the average band has four members, this leaves each with $10,500 to live on while they make and promote the recording.

Once the CD gets put on store shelves, the band can receive about $1 a CD or 25 cents for each band member. This only comes after you’ve paid the producer, who owns a portion of the music because they mixed it and put it together. Before you see a cent of the CD profits, you still have to pay back the $300,000 the company lent you in the beginning. You would have to sell at least 300,000 CDs. If you need money to release a second CD before you pay off your first loan, you increase what you owe, which increases the amount of time before you see any money. By downloading music, CDs aren’t being sold so the artist isn’t making any money. This leaves musicians in debt and even great musicians may not be able to afford to record their music. This is the position Karla finds herself in. She has gone to great lengths to get a break which has led this great musician to a lot of debt. Her trip to Nashville wasn’t cheap, but it was a risk she was willing to take to fulfill that life long dream of playing her music. She sometimes mixes work with pleasure and will play a set at a bar, and then on breaks she will tend the bar and serve customers. If she ever wants to afford a recording, she will have to continue playing duel roles for years to come.

Should people be downloading and copying music? Definitely not. It’s not only illegal but it also hurts so many people. Not only people on the business side of the music industry and the retailers, but the artists themselves. I have gone to music conferences, met with people in the industry, and have seen how many people are affected. I also have friends who are in this business trying to make a living. Someone like Madonna probably could sell those 300,000 CDs no problem, but for new artists, like Karla Pilgrim, who are starting on the local scene, 300,000 is a hard number to reach, and even harder when people aren’t buying CDs. But if we all go to the music stores and spend the extra money to buy the CD the way the artist intended, with the artwork and tracks in a certain order, maybe we can help save a dying industry; maybe we can help Karla fulfill that dream of taking the stage at the Grand Ole Opry. So please, go buy a CD and support the music.

Talking to Myself *to be assessed*

Grade four Lesley: I am so mad!

Present Lesley: What could be so intense that you could be so mad?

Grade four Lesley: Well, there are these shoes that I really want, and everyone else has them but I don’t think mom is going to buy them for me.

Present Lesley: Is that really something to get so mad about?

Grade four Lesley: Yes! All the other girls have these shoes and I feel so out of place by not having them.

Present Lesley: Well, what makes them so different?

Grade four Lesley: They are so cool! They come with Chiclets or Smarties!

Present Lesley: Couldn’t you just go to the store and buy Chiclets or Smarties if you wanted them?

Grade four Lesley: I guess I could, but this way I get a pair of shoes too.

Present Lesley: So what do these wonderful shoes look like?

Grade four Lesley: They’re black with a little tiny heel and a pointy toe, they’re wicked!

Present Lesley: Would you even wear something like that?

Grade four Lesley: I’d wear them all the time if I had them.

Present Lesley: Well, just a warning, they don’t stay in style for very long so I wouldn’t get too excited about them.

Grade four Lesley: Yes they will! Everyone has them so they’ll be in style for a long time. And I just got these red jeans with zippers at the bottom that they’ll look good with.

Present Lesley: Yeah, your jeans will be out of style soon enough too.

Grade four Lesley: No they won’t, they’re just jeans.

Present Lesley: Believe me, you’re getting mad for nothing, stick with your deck shoes and be happy with that.

Grade four Lesley: No way, I won’t be happy until I get those shoes. And I won’t come out of my room until I get them either.

Present Lesley: Knowing mom, you’ll be in your room for am awful long time then.

Grade four Lesley: I don’t care how long I have to wait, I want those shoes.

Grade five Lesley: I hear you, I better get the shoes I want too.

Present Lesley: You want shoes too?

Grade five Lesley: Yeah, and not the kind from Kmart either, I want a pair from a real store.

Present Lesley: But you’ll grow out of them and you know mom won’t spend much money on a pair of shoes with you growing so quick.

Grade five Lesley: Yes she will, I’ll tell her I want them really bad.

Present Lesley: What are these shoes that you want so badly?

Grade five Lesley: I really, really want a pair of white high top sneakers.

Present Lesley: Okay, you have got to be kidding.

Grade five Lesley: Why would I be kidding?

Present Lesley: Do you know how hideous those things will look on your feet?

Grade five Lesley: They won’t look hideous, thank you very much. They’ll look really cool, and I think the guys will think they’re awesome.

Present Lesley: Believe me, they won’t think they’re awesome.

Grade five Lesley: They will, you’re just too old to know what’s cool.

Present Lesley: I’m only 27, that’s not old.

Grade five Lesley: Yes it is! That’s really old. Not mom old, but still too old to know what someone my age would wear.

Present Lesley: So you think that having these high top sneakers will change your life?

Grade five Lesley: Well no, but I really want them cause all the guys are wearing them.

Present Lesley: And that’s a good reason to get them?

Grade five Lesley: Well, I want them cause they look comfortable too. I’ll help mom pay for them. I’ll put some money towards them.

Present Lesley: You’ll say that but never give her any money. Besides, it’s her money to begin with.

Grade five Lesley: I do chores to earn it!

Present Lesley: Who are you trying to fool? I know better than anyone that you don’t do enough chores to earn money.

Grade five Lesley: I keep my room clean. I’d still help pay for them.

Grade six Lesley: I’m getting older now and I need a good pair of sneakers so I’ll have to help mom pay for the ones I want. They need to come from the mall cause I’m playing sports more now.

Present Lesley: Playing soccer for a few months at school doesn’t justify getting expensive shoes, and you know mom won’t shop in the mall.

Grade six Lesley: Well you can’t get LA Gears anywhere else but the mall. She has to go there to get them.

Present Lesley: What makes them so great and expensive?

Grade six Lesley: They’re good sneakers.

Present Lesley: There has to be some other reason why you want them this bad.

Grade six Lesley: Well, they have these cool twirls of material on the sides, it looks so cool.

Present Lesley: Will you get sick of them, like you get sick of everything else you buy?

Grade six Lesley: No, cause these are good sneakers and I’ll need good ones for junior high next year. I won’t even ask for new sneakers when I start grade seven.

Present Lesley: Well isn’t that nice of you.

Grade six Lesley: It is actually, so be quiet.

Present Lesley: Just remember this when September rolls around and you start asking mom for school supplies and new clothes.

Grade six Lesley: I will, I swear I won’t ask for new sneakers then cause LA Gear’s are really good and will last.

Present Lesley: You’ll probably grow out of them before the next school year starts.

Grade six Lesley: No, I won’t cause I think I stopped growing. Wait, mom is here with Nan. I wonder what she wants?

Present Lesley: That is weird, she never usually came to school during the day.

Grade six Lesley: You’re not going to believe this! Mom just showed up for me to try on a pair of LA Gear sneakers! And they totally fit so she’s going to keep them!

Present Lesley: What? You actually got them? That’s a rare moment for mom.

Grade six Lesley: I can’t believe it, I’m so excited! I’ll love these sneakers forever!

Present Lesley: Just like you said you would love the New Kids on the Block forever too right?

Grade six Lesley: Yeah, I will. I’ll be a fan of the New Kids and my LA Gear’s forever.

The Real Joan Cusack

It was an exciting time in Halifax. A big Hollywood movie production company was coming to town to shoot a blockbuster thriller. It meant big things for the city and a chance for people to possibly run into big stars like George Clooney or Will Smith. For one Halifax citizen, this movie changed her life.

Joan Cusack was a stay at home mom with three children. The children were all under the age of seven so Joan was a very busy woman throughout the day. Between school, daycare, and extra curricular activities, Joan hardly had time to stop, breath and take a moment for herself. Once the weekends came, it was Joan’s time to do what she wanted to do. Her husband would take the kids for the day allowing Joan to hit the town and treat herself.

This particular Saturday, Joan was in downtown Halifax spending too much money at stores that were obviously overpriced. But this was Joan’s day, which meant anything goes. While in the change room at Biscuit trying on a ridiculously glamourous evening gown, Joan’s cell phone started ringing. When she looked at the caller ID she was hardly shocked. It was her husband.

She assumed one of the kids was crying or the older one beat up the middle child so she decided to let him deal with it for now, and go about her shopping. After leaving the store, Joan decided to call her husband back and talk him through whatever crisis he was overreacting about. He answered the phone and with no screaming children in the background, Joan knew that there was no tragedy at home. Joan had gotten a phone call from a strange man, which usually would not go over well with her hubby, but the subject matter intrigued him.

“I’m looking for Joan Cusack, we need her down at Pier 21 right away. It’s very important that she get down here as soon as possible,” the strange man told her husband. Pier 21? Joan had no idea who that could have been or why they wanted her down at Pier 21 right away. She decided that since this was her day to do what she wanted, she would take a trip down to Pier 21 to see what was going on. It’s a public place so she was sure she would be fine. He husband gave her the “Be safe,” speech and she made her way to the pier.

As she approached the area, she noticed that there was a lot of commotion. Trailers lined the streets and there were people wearing headsets buzzing around. She approached a few people to tell them her name and that she was called to come down to Pier 21 but each person sent her to see someone else. She finally found a security guard who she thought might lead her in the right direction. She told the security guard her name and he immediately grabbed her by the arm and rushed her into the middle of all the madness. He ushered her into a trailer and before she had a chance to say she didn’t know what was happening, he was gone and she was once again all alone and confused.

A woman stuck her head in the trailer while Joan was exploring the trailer and called out her name. When Joan responded, the woman simply said, “Just seeing if you were here,” and shut the door again. Joan was starting to get freaked out. People knew her and were expecting her, yet she was completely oblivious as to what was going on. She thought about leaving without talking to another person, but something about the whole situation was so enticing that she decided to explore some more.

The trailer was filled with food, make-up, and hair products. Before she was able to explore too much, the woman who stuck her head in before appeared again and came in the trailer. This time there was a man with her. This startled Joan, but only for an instant, because she noticed their faces were just as surprised to see her as she was to see them. The woman said in a confused tone, “Joan Cusack?” Joan replied with a yes, because that was her name but was equally confused. The man started to laugh, which at first made Joan extremely nervous and regret her decision to be adventurous.

The man must have recognized her nervousness because he immediately went from a laugh to a chuckle and started to explain who he was. “My name is Oliver Stone, I’m the director of the movie being shot here.” Joan was still confused because although that explained who he was, it still did not explain why Joan was in the trailer. Mr. Stone went on to explain the movies premise and the stars that were in the movie, one being Joan Cusack, famous actress and sister of fellow actor John Cusack. “My assistant definitely made a mistake,” Mr. Stone explained. “I asked him to look up Joan Cusack’s phone number and call her down to the set. I meant for him to look it up in my contact book, not the phone book. He obviously did not follow my direction properly, or want to keep his job.”

What a relief! Joan thought for sure that this was going to be her demise and she would be stuck in this trailer and driven over the border to the USA, never to be seen again. Instead she met a famous director, famous actors, and starred as a walk on in her first major motion picture. Mr. Stone invited Joan to stay on the set, which led to her being in the background of several scenes that day. Everyone was extremely nice and Joan even got to meet the woman who shares her name. Joan’s treat day turned into one of the most memorable days of her life.

She has since kept in touch with the famous Joan Cusack and is a hit at parties when she tells her story of her rise to stardom. This experience may not have made her a famous movie star or led to appearances on The Tonight Show or The View, but she was a hit with her friends and her family. Her kids no longer call her Mommy, she is now Mommy the movie star, which she is perfectly fine with.

Make-up Mockery *to be assessed*

As a young girl, I loved putting on make-up. I would have my friends come over and do all of their make-up and then do my own. I thought we looked so cool and I loved getting make-up from my mom and aunts. Looking at pictures now, I wonder what I was thinking. We all looked like clowns and I definitely did not have a future as a cosmetician. As I grew older and into my early teens, make-up became a distant memory and I haven’t looked back since.

I don’t wear make-up because I don’t think it suits me. I grew up a tomboy and the thought of wearing make-up didn’t interest me. It would take too much time to apply and probably come off when I was playing sports. I had acne so I did go through a phase of wearing a cover up on my pimples but never more than that. My friends would talk about the kind of make-up they bought or what brand they liked better. I just sat there completely ignorant to the whole topic.

Friends have asked to put make-up on me for nights out on the town. I’ll agree, especially if they ask me after I’ve had a few drinks. Within the first half an hour, I would have already wiped my eyes by mistake, rubbing their efforts down my face leaving a streak of blue and black. I looked in the mirror and couldn’t understand how they thought it looked good, but I didn’t want to insult them so I’d keep my mouth shut and my make-up on. The next morning I look at the hideous image in the mirror. It’s me, only with black all over my eyes, eye shadow on my forehead and make-up covering my pillow. I mutter those same words as I do every time I let my friends put make up on me, “Never again.”

Not only do I not like wearing make-up, I also don’t like going into cosmetic sections of stores, or make-up stores like M·A·C Cosmetics. These places make me feel so uncomfortable and take me out of my comfort zone. I don’t belong in those places and it’s obvious when I walk in and everyone looks like a Barbie doll. There are so many colours and make-up for places I didn’t know needed make-up. M·A·C is not a big store, but it feels even smaller when I go in there.

I went in with some friends one afternoon so one of the girls could get some foundation. As I walked around the store, it felt like the staff were looking at me, knowing that I didn’t belong. I could almost hear them tisk at the fact that I would even bother going in there. I try to keep my head down and walk around, looking at the ridiculous amount of make-up in the store. Then I look up and see the scariest part of the whole store: the mirrors.

Why must they light the mirrors in a way that make you look so horrible? I looked up to find my pasty white face staring back at me, crying for help. I had a deathly look, with dark bags under my eyes and very little colour in my face. Did I really look this bad on a daily basis? Am I just having a bad day? I was hoping that it just wasn’t my day but soon came to realize that the lighting was the culprit.

I walked around to check out the other people staring into these ‘reflection of death’ mirrors. Everyone looked as sick as I did. The lighting was making people looked washed-out and like they had not slept in days. I quickly took my eyes off the mirrors and decided I would much rather stare at all the crazy colours of cosmetics around the store. I was afraid to turn around, assuming I would surely knock something over, bringing even more attention to myself. I was out of my element in the store and I didn’t want to bring any more attention to myself than I thought I already had by being there.

I couldn’t wait to be finished in there and was so happy to see my friend head for the checkout counter. I kept my head down, making sure I didn’t catch another glimpse of my corpse looking face in the mirror. As we turned to leave, I made sure I was the first one out the door. I’m sure the staff got together after I left and thought, “What a disaster that girl was, she really needs make-up if she wants to get rid of that ghost look she’s sporting.” I’m well aware they probably didn’t even notice me, but being so displaced, I started thinking crazy thoughts.

There may come a day where I have an epiphany and think that I really need make-up to fulfill my life, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon, just like I don’t see a trip to the M·A·C Cosmetics store in my near future. If I ever start a career as a Vegas showgirl though, I’ll be sure to give M·A·C a call to do my make-up.

A weekend in Manuels

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time at my Aunt Jean and Uncle Vic’s house. I had three cousins there and one, Robbie, was my age, so we spent a lot of time together. We were in band together, had the same friends and did everything together.

I spent weekends at their house, so I would get picked up Friday after school by my Uncle Vic. I knew he was in the driveway when I could hear the murmur of CBC Radio blaring from his car. Once I opened the passenger side door, it would be an overwhelming sound of the radio and the strong smell of my uncle’s cologne. It was a musky, spicy smell that at first was strong enough to make me sneeze, but I would eventually get used to it. Then we would leave for the half hour drive to his house.

It was inevitable that I would fall asleep on the way. We wouldn’t be more than ten minutes into the drive before my head would be bobbing and I’d start having a nap drool, which is worse than the regular night drool. With my forehead pressed against the window and the seatbelt cutting into my neck, every bump in the road would disturb me, but not enough to wake me up. With my eyes closed, I could feel the bumpiness when we drove over rocks and the smoothness when we would get to a stretch of new pavement. It was a good nap, but not a peaceful one.

We would finally arrive at the house and my Aunt Jean would have supper ready to go. As we walked into the house, I would take a deep breath to smell what was for supper. On the days I smelled pizza, I was a happy girl. There were too many instances when my Aunt would decide stew was a good choice. I hated stew and she knew it, but thought if she made it enough, I would start to like it. That never happened.

As soon as you enter the house, you feel like you’re in a zoo. There are two budgies chirping, a dog barking, a fish tank gurgling, and a cat that just slinks around your ankle. After a few minutes the animals would calm down and my uncle and I could get ourselves out of the porch and into the kitchen.

I love sleeping in, but at Aunt Jean and Uncle Vic’s house, there’s no sleeping in. My Aunt would wake me up about 7:00 Saturday morning and drag me to the super market with her to “get the good meats,” she would always say. I didn’t mind because it meant I got a Long Treat and hot chocolate at Tim Hortons. Saturday’s also meant there were chores to be done. As I would be eating my breakfast, I would hear my uncle outside with the chainsaw cutting wood. I knew that was mine and Robbie’s cue.

Before too long we would hear our names bellowing from the basement to get our outside clothes on and start helping. Our outside clothes were usually old clothes my aunt and uncle used to wear. It usually smelled musty and old, and was rough to the touch because of all the times it was worn lugging wood. As we got dressed, we could feel little pieces of sawdust hit our faces and get stuck into the bottom of our socks. The sawdust pricked our feet like needles but with my aunt and uncle, there was no slowing down.

Robbie and I would make our way to the shed, pushing our trusty wheelbarrow as the vibrations went up our arms. My uncle would hand us some work gloves which always had little pieces of wood in them that would hurt our hands. The smell of fresh cut wood was comforting though and we couldn’t wait to get it inside to get a fire started in the woodstove. The smell of the wood burning and the sight of smoke rolling out of the chimney would make me want to go inside and curl up under a blanket. Of course that wasn’t an option because there were still too many chores to be done.

Once we brought in our share of the wood, it would be time for lunch. The smell of hot dogs filled the air every Saturday. I would put so much ketchup on mine that I could feel the bun getting soggy under my fingers as I ate. I would top off my lunch with a cold glass of milk that felt good going down my throat after a long morning working outside. After lunch we were set free and it was time to play.

Robbie and I would spend a lot of time playing cards, board games and Nintendo. We would have to pick our location wisely because the cat and dog always wanted in on the game, and thought walking over the board was a good idea. We could hear the dog coming, running down the hall towards us. He would jump all over us, his soft fur getting all over our faces, and unfortunately in our mouths. His rough paws would dig into our legs and his whipping tail would sting our arms. But eventually the dog would get bored and go way. He would always leave the smell of dog in the room which hung in the air and never seemed to go away.

In the night, we would usually do something as a family and my cousins would invite friends over to join in the games. The house was filled with laughter and the smell of popcorn as everyone enjoyed the night together. Once we went to bed, my uncle would sing Puff the Magic Dragon to us as we drifted off. We all slept well after a busy day.

Until I finished high school, I continued to spend the weekends at my aunt and uncle’s house. The chores changed and my aunt stopped trying to feed me stew, but the fun was always there. Whenever I hear CBC radio, I still think of those Friday evenings in my uncle’s car, driving to his house for another great weekend.

Could it happen to you?? *To be assessed*

We have all heard the stories of a girl someone knew who had a baby but didn’t tell anyone she was pregnant, or had a baby and didn’t even know she was pregnant. I didn’t think this could happen because I assumed all the signs would be obvious. I found out this past Christmas, that nine months of pregnancy could come and go and you wouldn’t have a clue.

Most people think, “Wouldn’t you be sick?”, or “Wouldn’t you gain a lot of weight?” All these things could happen, but it’s recognizing them as signs of pregnancy that makes the difference. Some people gain and lose weight regularly and some pregnant women don’t get sick.

On December 28th, 2006, Steph got up to go to her job at the mall. Being the Christmas season, she was working long hours and this shift was no different. She got to work in the morning for her 12 hour shift and wasn’t feeling herself. Steph brushed off the sick feeling because she knew she couldn’t miss work, she needed the money. Throughout the day, Steph would get intense pains in her stomach. She would buckle over but because the pain didn’t last very long, she would wait it out and go on with her duties.

She managed to get through the day but was feeling miserable by the time she finished her shift that night. She headed home where she lived in the basement of her mom and step dad’s house. Her boyfriend of a couple of years, Dave, was there waiting for her to spend some quality time together. Her parents headed off to bed and Steph and Dave relaxed while her sick feeling worsened.

At about 1:00 in the morning, Steph’s boyfriend decided to head home. He lived on the other side of town and had about a 20 minute drive. As Dave was left, Steph’s legs were starting to feel cramped and she was the sickest she had been all day. She decided to crawl into bed and get some much needed rest. Little did she know at the time, but the next hour was going to change her life forever.

Shortly after Dave left, the stomach cramps became unbearable and the moment that opened Steph’s eyes as to what was going on happened. Her water broke. It was at this moment that the last nine months of Steph’s life flashed before her eyes. She saw all the signs that should have made her realize what was coming, yet she brushed them off every time. She felt like an idiot for not realizing sooner what was happening, but it was too late now to worry about it.

In a panic, Steph got on her cell phone and called Dave. She knew she couldn’t tell him what was happening but had to get him to come back. As Dave was pulling into his driveway he got the phone call from Steph. She wanted to tell him what was happening but knew the news was too shocking to say over the phone. She told him she wasn’t feeling very well and he had to come back to her house to take her to the hospital. Being a great boyfriend, Dave did so with no questions asked. However, he was worried and wondered why she would call him and not get her parents to take her. He called the house phone and got her mother to go downstairs to check on her. He knew something just wasn’t right.

As soon as Steph’s mom received the call, she headed downstairs to see what was wrong with her daughter. She got down to the basement and opened Steph’s bedroom door and was shocked. There was her 23 year old daughter, sitting on her bed with a baby in her arms. Steph had given birth to the baby all by herself. They called an ambulance right away. Dave arrived around the same time as the ambulance. The paramedics delivered the placenta and cut the umbilical cord. Steph and Dave were the proud, yet shocked, parents of a baby girl.

The next day was a shopping spree like no other. Steph’s mom headed out to buy all the supplies a new mom might need. As Steph lay in the hospital, all she could think of was how she didn’t know, and how was she going to go back to school in a week. She was now a mom and had no time to prepare in her mind how she was going to do it. Luckily she had a supportive family and boyfriend who were going to help her every step of the way.

Steph came home with a healthy baby and tried to adjust to her new role as a mom. She hadn’t had time to wrap her mind around the whole concept, but they say there are maternal instincts that come naturally when you have a baby. As Steph and her mom sat watching a movie one night, the baby slept in Steph’s bedroom in her basinet. Steph asked her mom if it was weird to be worried about the baby since she couldn’t see her. Her mom told her that those feelings are the maternal instincts women get and there are lots more of those to come.

I attended a bridal shower with Steph a week before she gave birth and I never would have guessed she was pregnant. She had just gone back to university and was finally getting good marks and looking forward to finishing her degree. If you had asked her at the bridal shower if she would be able to raise a baby right now, she would have said definitely not. She didn’t have her life together, how could she take care of another life. Yet, when that baby was on its way into the world, Steph was able to take care of it during delivery and has been a great mom since.

There are things we think are impossible and we would never be capable of. But when we are put in a position with no other choice, our instincts kick into gear and surprise us. Steph’s maternal instincts kicked in that day and have helped her handle her new responsibility as a mother.

Picture it: Ireland, 1999

A tour of western Ireland is one that is hard to forget. It’s said that your senses are tied to memory and this is proven to be true after a tour such as this. As you look across the horizon, the land is flat and a plethora of shades of green. Each square of farm land has a different colour grass, usually complimented by a stone house, or what is left of a house. The stone of the house is rough and jagged, worn over time. The houses that are still standing have roofs covered with grass, which has become dry and brittle.






















As you travel further towards the coast, the land becomes full of trees and hills. You can see a large building hidden between the trees, with its windows reflecting the shining sun. As you approach the building you notice it is a large church, now a tourist attraction, with soft vines running up the stone walls. While walking on the rock covered trail, you can feel the pebbles roll under your feet. The sound of water soon enters your ears and you notice a blinding light coming from the right.
















As you walk closer you can see that it is the sun reflecting off the calm water of a pond. A smooth, flat rock sits beside the pond. The water sounds and looks so peaceful that it is impossible not to stop and enjoy the calmness. When you sit on the rock, the warmth from the sun shining on the rock all day goes through your body. The smell in the air is one of pureness and an environment protected from the harsh pollutants of the city. There are birds all around, singing their songs, which makes it hard to continue on with the tour. The thought of leaving this place and going back to the daily grind is unthinkable when you are this comfortable. But the tour must go on.















As you continue on and enter the old church, you can smell the mustiness of the building. It is the smell of old books and aging wood. The church was so big that the sound moved around very easily and hung in the air. If you listened carefully, it was like you could hear an organ playing and people praying. There are old cloaks and memorabilia of priests who had lived there before. The cloaks are soft and detailed, but slightly discoloured, which only adds to their authenticity. Everything looks so fragile that you feel like you can’t get too close or something might break. There is an intensity in the air that when you leave the building, you can almost feel it lift off of your shoulders. You hate to leave such a peaceful place but the final stop of the tour is still to come.

As the bus pulls into the parking lot, you can smell the ocean in the air. The salt hits your nose and lips. For the rest of the day you can taste the salt water on your lips and it provides a sort of comfort. From the parking lot, all you can see is a small castle-shaped building. When you head up the path towards this building you can start to see the deep blue of the ocean. The waves are crashing causing whitecaps to form.















The sound is incredible and so loud for something that seems so far away. The wind off the water hits your face and you can feel its crispness. Your cheeks and nose turn a shade of red, but it feels so refreshing. At the top of the path, there’s water as far as the eye can see. If you stand towards the edge of the cliff, you can look down and see just how far up these cliffs go. It is nothing but jagged rock all the way down to the ocean. With each layer a different colour and texture of rock is exposed, which helps you see the age and imagine the lands history.
















As the bus pulls away, you can see the land change from cliffs and hills, to the flat farm lands now deserted and grown over. As the bus tour comes to an end and you drive back into the city, the sound of traffic and people rushing around wakes you up from the peace you experienced all day. You lick your lips again to taste that salt air that brings you back to such an amazing place and time. You know once you step off that bus, all your lips will taste like is dust from the sidewalks from all the hustle and bustle of the city.